As I write this, I’ve just managed to calm myself down after watching some spiritual videos & sleeping for a while. I’ve just entered my second year of residency & I can count on my fingers the number of times I’ve been scolded in the first year and though the number is very small, I’ve experienced a strong wave of anxiety and palpitations for a prolonged period following those scoldings. Yes, I am that annoying student in class during school who used to follow the teachers’ rules. And felt extremely bad when I got scolded on a rare occasion, because most of the time I didn’t. I’m still the same, it’s difficult for me to NOT follow rules.
I’ve never made a gross mistake for which I’ve been scolded on a one-on-one basis, it has usually been in a group. Usually. 9/10 times according to me. My colleagues & seniors think I need to calm down & not take everything so seriously. Correct the mistake and move on. According to them, I need to be stronger & not let anyone’s scoldings bother me for a long time, because I still have two years of residency to go through & might face something worse. Which I try to do, but end up getting anxious again.
Today, I felt that what’s the use of doing your work sincerely and still get scolded for that one mistake you make? When you do 99 tasks correctly and 1 incorrectly, the incorrect one will be emphasized on. Why is life so unfair? But I soon realized that what’s done is done, I need to accept the fact that mistakes happen. It’s okay to make mistakes. Obviously, what’s not okay is not correcting them. Correct them and do better. Don’t dwell upon them. However big or small they are, if corrected, you’re a winner already.
Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’ve got to face so much of life yet. You can’t be perfect all the time. Give your mind a break and don’t overthink about it. Accept it,improve yourself and move on. Maybe if you were in their place and your student did the same mistake, you’d react in the same way. Doesn’t mean your teachers don’t love you.
Keep calm and carry on. Improve yourself everyday. Compare your today’s self with your yesterday’s self. Be a good person. And if you’re still anxious, come back to this and read whatever you’ve written- this is a message to my own self , if I face a similar day in future .
perfectlyimperfectniyati 