It’s 12.45 am, way past my bedtime. Not a second of sleep yet. I am usually in deep sleep by 11pm, that’s just how my biological clock is set. Get up at 7am, 8 hours of sleep complete. Yes, I am the ‘early to bed,early to rise’ kind of a girl. And no, I don’t belong to another planet 😛
As I lay in my bed, trying to fall asleep, my mind is clustered with thoughts, mainly- insecurities. In Rihanna’s words- My mind’s in disturbia. Someone has rightly said that we tend to have the deepest thoughts but sometimes the most irrelevant ones at night. I pick up my phone, turn on the front camera & smile. Ah, my teeth are kind of crooked, I say from within. Now I know you’ll say-Why don’t you get them corrected? Well, my friend, I want to, but my dad is of the opinion that my teeth don’t need braces, I should embrace my natural beauty etc. And in India, you can’t do anything but listen to your parents since you live with them until you’re married. Atleast in most homes, that’s the case here. Anyway, it’s not a big deal, but tonight ..the slightest of insecurities are managing to steal my sleep. ‘Gosh, I have started getting acne here..& there..& there too!’ ‘I’m fat!!’ ‘My forehead is always so tanned compared to the rest of my face.’ ‘Will I pass my PG exams & get a good seat in a good branch ?’ ‘Why don’t I feel like a grown-up even at 23 ? ‘ ‘Why can’t my grandparents live forever? What will I do if something happens to them tomorrow?’ ‘Will I ever learn how to be lady-like?’
These are some of the many questions that have captured my mind. I tossed & turned in bed, frantic & scared. I needed to vent my thoughts. I called up a friend & spoke for about 10 minutes. Felt better, yes. Grabbed my Tablet, opened WordPress & started writing this blog post. I feel so light,refreshed & better now. Ah, the feeling of letting your thoughts get converted into text is so relieving! I feel a 10 kg load just got off my chest. Nothing has changed in the last 20 minutes of me typing this article. Insecurities are the same. But my response to them isn’t. So what response did I figure out in these magical 20 minutes? I will end this article, switch off the lights, close my eyes & pray. Pray for a good night’s sleep, thanking God for all that I have & asking him for strength to conquer tomorrow. As they say- Leave It to God & go to sleep. And that’s exactly what I’m doing.
I hope you’re all having an amazing day, wherever you’ll are 🙂 Good night folks! 🙂
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